I always wanna write something, whatever I feel, whatever I think, whatever I do etc.. etc.. but never tried so, as I take it in a joke. Today, first time I want to start this, but guess what I just on my PC and was about to write something, suddenly my mumma came and remind me that I have to go to the tailor and bring back my clothes. So I turned off my PC and went to tailor. After Half an hour, I came back and thought of writing, but when I set on PC, it was a power cut, and I again have to turn my PC off. I was quite disappointed, but as told by someone that “where there is a will, there is a way”. So, I took my dairy and start writing with my favorite Parker Pen as I was really damm upset and need someone to share it. But no one was there, so I thought of writing whatever I was feeling. I really wanna change my mood as I don’t like to be sad.
I wake up late in the morning, it was about 10.30 am. It’s a friendship day. I don’t know why I wake up with a upset mind. I thought maybe it’s a stress. My younger bro was watching the Movie “Luck”. I thought it’s a good way to cheer up myself. So, I watch it with my brother. I was feeling good but it was for the limited period, as when the movie end, I was again the same with a damm serious face.
As I told you that it’s a friendship day today, but it was so sad that I don’t have a single friend, whom I can give a friendship band or may get a friendship band from him/her. It was not like this that I don’t have friends. I have some really good friends but none of them is like the one, I needed. I also have some good friends on net and they are really special for me. But still there is no one like, I needed. I was sitting on bed thinking of it and ask myself, that do I really have a single friend with whom I can share my feelings or thoughts, or a single person who can give me his/her shoulder whenever I feel cry. And the answer is, no..!! I don’t have a single person like this, neither friends nor relaters or my parents. I was again in a deep sorrow, I was just feeling jealous to those who had such a person but I was happy that atleast my friends have such a person, but still I am also quite jealous to them.
I was thinking about this and have a little fight with my mumma just because I was not feeling good. I tried to find out the answer that why I feel so lonely. Is it there is a something wrong inside me or I don’t deserve such friends. I was teasing me a lot and I’m getting so much depressed too. Suddenly I felt that it may be because of my no trust on anyone as I never express my feelings towards them. I never share my feelings with the others, but it was just because that I don’t trust them.
I don’t know what to do, I was getting more confused and tried to find out the answer that why I do not share my feelings & thoughts with the persons I have in shape of friends. And with my best efforts I get the answer of this too. It was all because of that I tried to share my feelings with them but they were never be interested in it. They were showing that they are listing but they were not, as they always cut my sentence and start talking about something else or start talking to each other to avoid my words. I said this many times to my friends that atleast let me finish my words, but they pretend that yes, we are listening you may continue. But I never continue again as I know that they all are think about their selves and are not able to listen me.
I don’t know why they always do so. I am always there to listen them whenever they need me even if a stranger need me to listen him/her. I do listen him/her with full of patience. But I can’t understand that If I can listen to everyone, If I can suggest them suggestion whenever they wants, then why can’t they do so. They never did so. They just thanks to me to listen them and to solve their problems. But there is no one who listen me, who can suggests me, who can show me the right way whenever I get confused. But there were no answer of this question. But still I never blamed my friends for this. I just do my job, I just make our friendship healthy by listening to them.
I am happy with this that atleast I am doing my work perfectly without caring and expecting anything from them. But sometimes I really feel bad about this. So, I thought of writing and while writing it, I am feeling really better, atleast I can sleep well tonight..!!
Well at the end I just wanna wish you all a Happy Friendship Day..!! Keep Enjoying..!!
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